Sharing the emotional burden helps couples cope with cancer

A study by Griffith University in Queensland has shown that the way couples communicate about cancer when the woman is first diagnosed has a significant impact on how they both cope later on.

The psychological study observed the communication of eighty-four Queensland couples in happy and committed relationships within the first few days of the woman being diagnosed with breast or gynecological cancer.

While couples talked about practical things like who would take the kids to school or what their health insurance would cover, almost 50% did not discuss their own feelings about the diagnosis.

The research found that the more women were able to share their burdens and feel unified with their partner, the better their long-term psychological adjustment. The research also found that the more men were able to discuss body image issues with their partner, the better the woman’s post operative sexual functioning.

Psychologist Dr Jennifer Scott, now a Senior lecturer in Clinical and Health Psychology at the University of Tasmania, says that during the traumatic time of cancer diagnosis, men can help their partner by learning to listen and by sharing their own feelings.

Tips for partners and couples dealing with cancer:

.Take time to just be there and to listen – don’t try to solve every problem
.Talk about how you are feeling and what you are thinking – make time at least once a week to talk about your emotions
.Don’t try to minimise and dismiss fears or insist the woman is positive all the time.
. Discuss practical things as well, but don’t always focus on this aspect alone
. Look at the cancer as a shared journey rather than focusing on the individual
.Don’t force any opinion of what the woman ‘should’ and ‘shouldn’t’ be doing – people respond to cancer in different ways, emotionally and physically
.Ensure that you spend pleasant time together as a couple that doesn’t revolve around the cancer so that treatment doesn’t take over your life
. See a psychologist as a couple if you are finding it difficult to cope