Elderly struggle with estrangement

Losing contact with family is a difficult and challenging time – but a new study shows it is even more distressing for the elderly.

Dr Kylie Agllias from the University of Newcastle tells DPS News her study looking into the effects of estrangement shows about one in 25 Australian adults have cut off contact with a family member.

The research suggests about 4% of adults have stopped contact with at least one family member for months or years.

The researcher began delving into the effects of estrangement after working in an aged-care facility in 2006 and spent a year interviewing people aged 60 years and over who were estranged from an adult child.

Dr Agllias says human reactions from the study shows people were “shocked” and didn’t actually believe being estranged from their adult children could happen.

“A lot of them would also seek the other person … they would send emails and make phone calls for years and keep going back to places where they thought they might bump into the children.

“A lot of them talked about sightings, they would always be imagining what the children might look like now and would look out for them,” she explains.

Dr Agllias confirms, for older people, the loss and estrangement from family is often reactivated at “family get-togethers, and on particular days such as birthdays and Christmas”.

“Many hid their estrangement from others and became quite isolated by the experience,” she says. The findings reveal that even more heartbreaking than losing an adult child is experiencing the estrangement from a grandchild.

Dr Agllias is now beginning part two of the project, investigating the impacts on individuals and families of rifts and estrangement, and will work with people aged 30 years and over who are estranged from at least one parent. Her aim is to try to find why their relationships are broken and how the adult children are affected.

Dr Agllias’ earlier research finds estrangement is not an uncommon experience in families, is not always resolvable, and potentially affects the entire intergenerational family system.

“This is an important area of research because it is such a common occurrence. To help those suffering the negative effects of estrangement, it needs to be better understood.”